In my coaching sessions lately I’ve been hearing the term ‘all or nothing mentality’ and is something that hit close to home. Is one of the things that I’m currently working on is how to not sabotage myself and be more compassionate with my progress…

Sometimes I’m really good at it… sometimes I’m a work in progress; but what I have noticed is that the moment that I fall out of the wagon, whether is related to my food regimen, to my routines (morning, evening, exercise, etc), writing my posts or even being on/off social media, I fall completely off it. Is like there is a switch in my head that says “oh well you miss that yoga session, why bother later or even tomorrow? You are a failure” … sounds so catastrophic now that I put it in writing, but the comment continues to arise. 

I am going a thousand miles per hour or hitting my breaks to a full stop, and disregarding completely all the progress that I have made on the previous how many days I was able to stay in my routine; somehow, somewhere I lost the ability to say “is ok, today was a hard day, you’ll get back at it tomorrow”, and the funny thing is that if my kid or a friend comes to me and tells me the exact same thing, I would tell her is ok and to get back on it tomorrow, it doesn’t mean that you have to stop all your progress. And even thought my brain knows this, the automatic response I received is still the same one… You have failed, you are not worth it, you should stop immediately and never think about trying to achieve such a thing, in fact here are a list of things you can do to make you really feel horrible and disgusted with yourself.

I am not 100% sure where it comes from or when it was originated, I am fully aware that is my inner critic speaking and I have to shut her down. It may have stemmed from a specific moment or maybe it was originated from hundreds mini traumatic events… The important thing, in my opinion, is to try to identify from where it came from so I know how to let it go, and I can identify the trigger that brings it.

This is one of my many self awareness searches currently still in progress. It is not a believe that is helping me but keeps on coming up, so I think knowing the why behind is is important. So if you are feeling like this, you are not alone. At least you have me as your companion in the self sabotage misery of the all of nothing mentality. 

The problem with most of this thoughts is that they come when I am in the middle of my busy day and I don’t have my emotional grounded self handy. It would be great if thoughts like this came while I am meditating so I can sit with it and see where they come from; and identify the triggers. But since life doesn’t work like that I have started different practices that helps me pin it down, and keep on going so I can deal with that later on the day. Here are a few things that I’m toying with to see if they help me, the first and most important is writing down, what was I doing when this critic voice came on and where did I feel it in my body. And if you are not like me that carries her journal everywhere. I find voice or written notes in my cellphone work just as well. The point is to have it somewhere were you can come back at it later and kinda recreate the situation that brought it up. After I do that, I usually use one or more of the following:

• Breathe work, start counting how may seconds I breathe in and out and concentrate on different lengths of breathe:
• Noticing how my feet feel on the ground, what pat of my foot is touching it? Do I feel tingling somewhere specific?
• Counting how many days I have been on that specific routine and actively thinking about all the progress that I have made;
• Putting on my favorite (or my kids favorite) song and breaking for a 90 second dance party;
• Actively thinking nice thoughts about me, what part I like about my body, some of the things I am proud of;
• Telling myself out loud how proud. am of myself and the progress you have made, kinda like you would have wanted your parent to tell you when something like this happens;
• Going on social media and watching a cute puppy or kitten video.

Most of them work, and there are some days where they don’t and that is ok, because is about progress not perfection; and the important part is that I am aware of it and can actively working on it. As Glennon Doyle says “we can do hard things”.

Love, 

Sole